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I’ve moaned a lot about how stupid my callers are and how I am regularly left speechless by their stupidity and wound up by their unimaginative hoaxes. Why can’t I just once get a caller like this?

The callers are still amazing me with their stupidity, but I will not let them win after all each of them gives me their address in the end and I am taking careful note and making plans for the day when I shall make life in a call centre more pleasurable, by committing genocide on stupid people across the country. The only problem is that my list of targets keeps growing for example I added a caller to it today after this brief exchange:

Me: I just need to check where in the UK are you calling from?

Them: My house.

Yes, I know technically they answered my question correctly - But the answer they gave is about as much use as a chocolate teapot.

Most people aren’t glad to see cemetaries, generally because they know someone in the one they are visiting, but there is one cemetary that I am always happy to see and why?  It’s about five minutes from my house and seeing it means that I am about to arrive home and get a chance to put my feet up.

It’s another glorious Sunday and instead of enjoying the sunshine I am once again answering the phone to hoax callers. So far today I have had a few declarations of love, a proposal of marriage and repeatedly been told to go and do things to myself that are sadly not physically possible.

The “highlight” of the hoaxers today has been a kid who for the last five or six hours has been phoning up to ask if I have a sixpack -  I’d love to tell them that I have one, but that it’s well hidden or better yet tell them to fuck off and find something useful to do, but I have to be boring and tell them to call back when they have a serious call as I am terminating this on.

Saturday is one of my days off from work and as the weather has been nice of late my original plan for today was to go out and enjoy the sunshine, one of the options I was considering was the incredibly active of option of finding a sunny spot in a park and sitting down with a book and a picnic lunch.

I’ve managed to be about as active as my original plan required me to be, but in almost every other way I have failed as although today has been gloriously sunny I have spent most of in indoors either at work in front of a computer, at home in front of a computer or just asleep in an armchair doing an impersonation of my dad watching TV.

As an example of just how productive I have been today here’s a prime example of what I have been doing on my computer at home - watching Tom and Jerry.