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Last night saw me sit down and take control of the TV to subject my housemates to Eurovision, although not being cruel copious amounts of alcohol were permitted to help dull the pain.

This is probably the best Eurovision I have watched, but like most things related to Eurovision it has nothing to do with the music and more to do with the fact this is the first Eurovision I have drunk through and BBC Interactive was also there to provide the karaoke lyrics for the songs as well - Yes I did join in!

Also the result of this Eurovision is important as I will attempt to visit the winning country before the next Eurovision - What can I say except it’s a fun way to pick a holiday destination.

As in previous years here is a quick review of each act as provided by my housemates and myself. 

• Bosnia and Herzigovenia - Her voice may not have knocked anyone out, but judging by the rock on her hand if she hit someone she’d be knock them out.

Double points awarded for lute, but removed due to lute players lack of beard and the fact he didn’t seem to be playing it.

• Spain - It’s a Spanish Westlife performing a song that 5ive would have done back in the day, but at least we have a song that makes it feel like the contest has started.

Bonus points awarded for random English useage and being the first band to show the dodgy literal translations on BBC interactive.

• Belarus - A rejected Bond theme tune with a failed David Hasslehoff lookalike on vocals, even the BBC agreed with us on the Bond theme comment so we must be right.

Double points for the hoff style exposed chest and medallion, but disallowed due to lack of actual chest hair. 

• Ireland - (Dolm) She looks like the singer for Bosnia. (Me) Well she has had long enough for a costume change, don’t if the rules would allow it though. (Wellsy) Is she supposed to be singing out of sync with the music? (Dolm) Of course she is. It’s folk. (Wellsy) Do you think she sounds as Irsih when she speaks normally? (Dolm) Nah, she’s probably from Dagenham really.

Treble points for having what looked like a lute and actually playing it.

• Finland - (Terry) A bad tempered looking lassie. (Singer) I know what your thinking. (Dolm) Yeah, Evanescence! (Singer) Leave me alone, I wanna go home. (Me) What you mean you realised how far your dreams of being a pop star have fallen, now that you are at the Eurovision final representing your country?

At the five song mark with two out of three votes Finland are the favourites, with me dissenting and backing Spain.

• FYR Macedonia - A song about slavery?  (Dolm) After all with lines like “Sun wakes me up” and Song caresses me” she obviously has Chinese and Korean manservants.

Double points for giving Dolm some Russian to read, he may have been drunk and not have studied it for four years, but he could still read it.

• Slovenia - (Dolm) She can actually sing. (Me) Doesn’t matter though, even if she is the best singer so far I can’t understand a word of it.

What was with the torch in her hand and running the wires up her arm?  Double points for anyone who can explain it to me.

• Hungary - (Me) That reminds me time to put the garlic bread on. (Dolm) Hungary could be so much more. (Wellsy)What in an invading countries and dominating the world kind of way? (Dolm) I suppose, but I was thinking more of football. (Singer) You’re a casual man lending an empty hand. (Me) Well it’s not much good lending a hand that’s full is it?

According to the lyrics she’s got, “nothing more to lose except an evanescent unsubstantial blues.” I suspect she’s also got Eurovision left to lose as I can’t see this song winning it.

• Lithuania - (Wellsy) Their English is better than the Irish who have it as a first language!

Bonus points awarded for coherency of English and the song itself, two things that are rare in a Eurovision entry.

• Greece - (Me) Once again the Greek entry disappoints me. Where are the plate being smashed? (Dolm) Did they find this guy at a karaoke doing a Rick Martin song and think, “YES! This man must be put in for Eurovision?”

Points awarded for the Mario impersonation, when during the song he pointed out that, “She’sa mine”.

• Georgia - The crowd seemed to like this one, but we didn’t - Although we did like the swords and the way they seem to generate lyrics using a thesaurus.

No bonus points awarded as both the swords and cats cradle were good they didn’t go on for anywhere near long enough.

• Sweden - I went away to get the garlic bread and when I came back there was a close up shot of the lead singer and my first thought was this must be one of the drag queen entries. (Wellsy) Looks like a freak! (Dolm) In a glam rock group you don’t need to be pretty you just need good shoes and hair and they have those.

So at the halfway mark it’s still two votes to three, but Sweden are our winners with both Dolm and myself backing them for the win.

• France - Very, very pink.  Looking good as you’d expect from the French and not sounding too bad either.

Lots of bonus points awarded as I normally don’t give the French any and as I like their song this year I want to make up for my previous stinginess.

• Latvia - An El Divo clone that bred like rabbits as everytime we looked there were more of them on stage - maybe like rabbits they were coming out of the top hats they were wearing.

10 points awarded for getting Dolm and I to exercise the Italian we learned back at school, we may not have understood all of the words but we knew how to pronounce them.

• Russia - Pure pop from the Russians, shame the outfits didn’t match the song as they didn’t really look like “bad ass bitches”. So infectious I couldn’t help but sing along with this one.

If they really had been bad ass bitches they’d have got more points from us, but the costumes just made them seem like good girls.

• Germany - A nice jazzy number here from Germany and of course I had to practice my German forcing Wellsy to leave the room in protest.

It’s Germany so it automatically gets my vote, although it’s going to need a few more votes to actually win Eurovision.

• Serbia - (Dolm) Is it a man? Is it a woman? (Me) Who cares it’s ugly! And did the really need to surround her with attractive female to make it even more obvious.

Our eyes were so offended and we were to busy making jokes about the singer that we couldn’t come up with a reason to give out bonus points here.

• Ukraine - With an impressive 3 languages used in the song it’s obviously trying to appeal for votes, but with using a total of about 10 words it doesn’t really impress. (Singer) I want to see, aha. (Me) I think they got a little too much self respect to be seen at Eurovision.

Bonus points awarded for the outfit being worn by the drag queen, as whilst I might be happy to dress up as a playboy bunny I don’t think I’d ever wear that one - Unless I was entering Eurovision as any goes then.

• United Kingdom - Flying the flag and sinking our hopes of winning Eurovision it’s Scooch. (Singer)Would you like something to suck on for landing? (Wellsy) Lets hope something was lost in translation there. (Me) No, after all if they get the joke we might actually get a few points!

It ain’t going to win, but for the amout of innuendo in the song we have to give them a few points for effort.

• Romania - (Me) And the award for most languages used goes to Romania. I bet the lyrics in each of the other languages make as much sense as the English ones. (Wellsy) I’m not taking that bet.

“So take my heart, take my soul, everthing of me. Everywhere you go, my baby, even Italy.”  Does he know something about Italy we don’t? Or is he just particularly worried about Italian men stealing his baby away?

• Bulgaria - Not too much to say here except if acts were scored on drums used they’d be a clear winner.

Although if scored on real words used they only jsut be doing better than the Ukraine.

• Turkey - (Wellsy) What the fuck are they doing in EUROvision?  Let alone Israel or Russia. (Dolm) How many points do you think they will get from Germany? if you gave the lead singer a top hat he’d look like a ringmaster. (Me) I’m sure one of the othr acts could lend him one after all the Latvian’s had half a dozen or so.

+∞ points as not only did Dolm and I sing along with this one for about 10 seconds even Wellsy joined in and sang along!

• Armenia - This song excited us so much that we discussed how political the voting is unless the song is as bad as this one in which case it might get sympathy votes.

Only one song to go. Have they saved the best til last?

• Moldova - The final song’s called fight and that’s exactly what they are going to have to do to get many points.

So we’ve seen all the songs that made it to the finals and with a majority of 2-1 the winner should be Sweden

We’ve also made a few other predictions about what results we expect to see…

• Dolm - Armenia to finish last and UK to finish in the bottom quarter of the table
• Wellsy - Bulgaria to finish last and Uk to finish in second quarter of table.
• Me - Serbia to finish last and UK to finish mid-table.

However when the results came in it looks like Sweden was robbed and I was very, very, very wrong about Serbia!

Still I have managed to convert one of my housemate to a fan of Eurovision as in his own words, “Alcohol and Eurovision equals a good night.” I’m inclined to agree myself.